George and I met three years ago thru an online forum,and we immediately hit it off.We thought each other was cool,and we fell for each other almost instantaneously.However,we both were spoken for at the time and while he did not like my other half,he waited until I was single to make a move.We had our share of drama (my mom not liking him or wanting me to date hime while I was still underage,friends being jerk offs,etc),but we always managed to pull thru.We finally began officially dating in December of 2001,and shortly after,my ex came to visit for christmas.This ex and I had dated for awhile,and he had salvaged me from a dangerous relationship before I even met George,and I was still somewhat in love with this other guy.So while he visited,he and I had sort of a fling.And it was beyond obvious to everyone what was going on except for myself,who was still in denial about the whole thing.My other half called me crying several times,sending me tearful emails about how I was treating him and I just brushed it off like I was nothing-I actually became angry that he was inhibiting my actions with Ian.The relationship with George was great,but George,due to abuse he suffered as a child,doesn't think very highly of himself and even though Ian came from a similar backround,he had an ego.And well,I had an ego and our egos meshed well together-I realized in time that was my main reason for loving him-he fed my ego.
I took George for granted and he dropped hints several times about splitting up,but I ignored it thinking "he doesn't know what he'll be missing".We first split up in April of 2002,and immediatel after,he began to see this ex of his and I became insanely jealous.Ian was pretty much my only source of ego comfort,telling me that George was in the wrong and that he didn't deserve me,etc.He began talking about him moving in with me as roomates and all that grand stuff.I grudgingly accepted after he talked to my mother about it and they both were very gung ho about it taking place.In the back of my mind,I had secretely hoped things would work out for us and took this as a sign for a chance for romantic reconcilation,since things had never been "closed" between us.George,in the meantime,did not take it very well and the week Ian was planning on moving in,he was going to move out of town (he changed his plans later though),and accused me pushing him away.Everything was fine when ian first arrived,and then two weeks into it he began controlling me.He did it when he first visited,but nothing to this magnitude-he would start arguments with my friends so they'd hate me and leave,he even turned my mom against me a few times.he tried to control my money,and he and the friends he did not scare off were controlling and abusive towards my every move.He was physically and mentally abusive and I still did *not* fully see it,because everytime after something happened,he'd word it in such a way to make me feel like it was my fault and that he forgave me.George all the time was telling me "kick him out,get rid of him Kat",but I couldn't.because I have a psychological disorder that sometimes impairs my better judgement,a call was placed in by a friend to social services,and Ian was officially ordered out of the state of california after someone called to report I was wandering the streets in my pyjamas trying to find a payphone to get out of town (in the middle of the day).
More drama ensued after he left,and i lost alot of friends whom were also friends with Ian because of it.It was either them or George,and I chose George.We had been trying to get back together time and time again,but he always backed out.To this day,part of me always wonders whether I did anything wrong or If I was the horrible person Ian says I was,and part of me still cares about him even though I don't want to,and I think thats why subconsciously,he appears in my life every now and then.
George and I got back together in December of last year and shortly after,he said he needed his space to think.I was in a horrible car accident in February that almost cost my life and I could feel the distance between us-not only from all that happened,but also because we now live on opposite sides of the country for college and such.he had cheated on me with his roomate last year and we ended up breaking up over it so he could date her,and I found earlier last month that he was cheating on me yet again with her.he said the spark was gone,and that he needed someone closer to be with.to some extent,i almost feel like he's lying because a short time before he admitted he was dating her on the sly,he said he still had trust issues with me.When we were talking about what happened,instead of taking the high road and not bringing up what happened with Ian,he did,and threw it in my face.he said he wanted to start out fresh,and when I requested he call me by my full first name (kathleen),instead of kat,he threw an enourmous hissy fit.That's been a small example of what's happened,i can list other examples if need arises.
I think with George,I pretty much damaged his faith in everything due to Ian,and I think he still has trust issues.I'm in therapy right now for what happened with Ian,but I guess my main questions are:How do we move on from this? how do we go back to being happy friends who enjoy each others company and have no problem with the other seeing other people? how do we start from scratch? how do we even talk about what happened? how can I help him repair his faith again? how can I tell he still loves me?
how do i win back the man I love?
...I really and truly love him,and realize that while this community is for people who not only are ashamed of their adultery,but relish in it,I need some advice from people who have been in my shoes,and who can possibly relate.I realized my mistake too late,and I'm trying to make amends without us stabbing each other in the back anymore-a clean slate and fresh start.Only,I don't know how to do that,or how to tell he even loves me anymore.Help!